Secretly I'm as rebellious as a 13 year old teenager.
I know you'd never know. . . I mean for pretty much my entire life I've been the rule follower, the good girl, the nice one, the responsible child, the one with good manners aka in the world of intuitive eating the people pleaser.
You might ask, why is being nice people pleasing? Well for a long time doing all of those things was really just to keep others in my life happy. It wasn't because that was what I really wanted.
It was a way to avoid conflict. It was so all so I wouldn't be rejected. I wouldn't be left. I wouldn't be yelled at. So I wouldn't fail. So I would be liked and loved.
It was exhausting, holding onto a facade for years. Being someone I really wasn't. Not being able to speak my mind, be my true authentic self.
And there was some serious impact. Lots of people took advantage of the niceness, but I can't blame anyone else but me.
Worse, underneath the people pleasing was this desire to be bad. To be rebellious.
The only problem was the only rules I could break were the ones I set for myself.
I wouldn't dare upset people, break laws or rule. I couldn't disappoint people or let them down.
I could break my own rules though and be bad. And every time I'd make a rule for myself I'd break it. Here are some of the ways that would show up.
I'd have a rule to eat really healthy and then I'd break it and eat something I "shouldn't".
I'd say I'm going to get up every morning at 6:00am and I'd sleep in.
I'd say, I'm going to take a break from men and dating and I'd reach out to an ex-boyfriend.
I'd say I'm going to keep my room clean all week and I'd leave stuff everywhere.
These self-imposed rules were making my life chaos. The intention was good, but the result was all wrong. Instead of adopting healthy behaviors I was making things worse.
I didn't want to be responsible anymore, I wanted to let loose, I felt locked up in my own chains because I was.
When I realized what was happening I was able to let go. I let go of my rules. I realized I'm an adult and I can do anything I want. The self-imposed rules, cultural rules or family rules didn't have to be mine.
I got the urge to eat healthy, to get up on time, and to clean my room. I got the urge to do what's best for me in this moment rather than what other people want, think or need.
I realized that I can be me. Accept every part of me without having to impose rules to "be" a certain way.
And at the very end a sense of freedom and excitement.
So now it's time for you to look and see what choices your inner rebellious child makes. How is it impacting the way you eat, think, love, and live?
Notice her and laugh. That's all there is to do. So you can catch her in the act. Then you get the choice to be yourself or your rebellious self. Your inner rebellious child isn't bad.
Sometime she can be good. She can motivate you, she can help you accomplish things. So bringing awareness helps you to use her wisely.
You've got this and if you need support don't hesitate to reach out!