Let me get real and vulnerable with you for a minute... I think it's important for you to know that my life is far from perfect! I talk to women all day long, every day about what they're dealing with in their life and they feel like they're the only ones. They feel like everyone has it together, but them. . . maybe that's you too. (Oh and just a warning, this is a super powerful blog post and it's a bit lengthy, but it will be worth the read!)
I feel like it's important for me to tell you that we all have challenges, struggles, negative thoughts, bad days, and get in our own way. So let's get this straight, what you're dealing with is happening or has happened to me, my friends, or to every woman in your life.
Social media does a great job of making it look like everyone is doing great, but that's because there are only a handful of people who share vulnerable moments or post about their bad day!
So let me share a challenge I have, after last week's post about self-sabotage, I started to dig deeper into my own life to see how I sabotage myself. The more I learned about self-sabotage, the more I realized, I quite possibly could be "THE QUEEN OF SELF SABOTAGE". (Please feel free to laugh, we have to stay light-hearted about these things).
Let me tell you how:
1. I will clean everything in my room and leave one thing out. . . . I'm not kidding, I will hang everything up and then just leave one blanket, book, pillow or paper out of place. It's the strangest thing and I catch myself doing it all the time.
2. I'll do all the dishes except one spoon or fork!
3. I'll buy a card for someone's birthday, sign it, put it in an envelope and then never send it. (Then feel totally guilty about how I'm a bad friend).
4. I'll buy a gift for someone, get a gift bag and not get tissue paper for the inside or a card.
There are a handful of other examples!! It's almost as if I give up right before completion EVERY SINGLE TIME!
Why do we do this? When we self-sabotage it means we have a core belief that contradicts a goal that we have for ourselves. It's a thought, emotion or action that holds you back from getting what you want consciously.
For example, if you want to lose weight, but you have a subconscious core belief that you don't deserve it. You'll constantly do things to sabotage your weight loss, like overeat, overindulge on dessert, skip your exercise class, or sleep in late and skip your meditation. All in order to prove your core belief, right!
Okay, so now what? Grab your journal and a pen! Here is how you overcome your self sabotage:
1. Think about the ways you self-sabotage. What are the patterns you notice about the things you don't have in your life?
2. What is it that you believe about this situation? What do you believe about yourself in this situation?
3. Now think about what the purpose or positive intention of this belief is (example, feeling like you don't deserve something, could potentially have you try harder, or be humble, or be extra generous with others).
4. Allow yourself to express any emotions associated with this pattern. This releases all of the energy you've been storing from the past. (Cry if you need to!)
5. Write down 5 ways you can achieve the purpose of the subconscious core belief without sabotaging yourself.
6. Write down 5 new beliefs you can have instead of the subconscious core belief.
7. Lastly, write down what the positive impact will be if you shift this subconscious core belief!!
Keep an eye out for those moments you identify and use your new beliefs and actions to stop the sabotage in it's tracks!
I know it's a little bit of a process, but it will be so worth it! You know what I'll be doing over the next week, identifying and working through all the ways I sabotage myself!
Sending you lots of love!