It’s that moment when. . .
Everything clicks. You realize that you’re not who you thought you were. Not who they said you were. Not who he said you are. And in every moment you can create who you are. This is freedom, but it starts before that.
We’ve all been there. We’ve been in those relationships that you’re embarrassed to say you were ever in. We’re not talking about the nerdy guy you had a crush on in high school.
We’re talking about the relationships that hurt us, that brought us down, the ones we can look back and say I can’t believe I even I put up with that. I can’t believe I was with him so long. How didn’t I see it coming? Why did it take me so long to get out?
The truth is you’re not the only one. We’ve all had an experience that we can say “Wow, what was I thinking?!?”
There you are, at the end of a long relationship in a low place you’ve never felt before. Unable to stand for yourself like you Ahave in the past.
You feel like there’s something wrong with you, like it’s your fault that your relationship doesn’t work. If you were only a certain way then your relationship would work and your partner would love you.
Truthfully it takes two to tango. It’s important to be responsible for how you were in a relationship and it’s also important to recognize how your partner made you feel in your relationship that brought out those characteristics that you’re less than proud of.
Time and again we work with women or have friends who are stuck in relationships (or friendships) that are verbally abusive or manipulative.
Even if it’s not to that extent, like these women, you bend over backwards for the people and things in your life. You do things just to please other people, to make them like you, and to feel loved (every human being does).
Fortunately, we’re responsible for it (that means we can change it).
So how do you know if you’re in an unhealthy relationship and how do you get out of it?
First take a look at the dynamics of your relationship.
- Do you feel like there’s something wrong with you and if you don’t fix it no one will love you?
- Does your partner constantly victimize himself/herself and blame you for all of the problems in your relationship?
- Is your partner constantly asking where you are and what you’re doing and constantly making decisions for you?
If you answered yes to any of those questions it’s time to re-evaluate how happy you are in this relationship and how it’s impacting you emotionally.
Second acknowledge and realize that you have trained people in your life. You’ve trained them to know you are available to them at any time even at your own expense, you’ve trained them to know they can get what they need from you regardless of how it makes you feel, you’ve trained them to take advantage of you (whether they realize it or not). You have trained them to listen to you like you’re always available and as a result they are shocked, upset, and angry when you aren’t that way.
Third start standing up for yourself. It’s time to express your desires. It’s time to say “I am not going to allow it to be this way”.
It’s not easy. We get it. We’ve struggled with this same thing ourselves. But without standing for yourself and your life you rob yourself of any chance of true happiness and true love. You rob yourself of having a loving relationship that empowers you.
The good news: It just starts with one request at a time. It is asking for what you desire and not stopping until you get it.
You can begin practicing with food. Asking for what you desire. Requesting exactly what you want and how you want it. Then allowing yourself to have it and knowing you deserve it.
Fourth it’s recognizing that the reason you stay in these relationships boils down to your own self-worth. As cliché as it sounds, you stay in these relationships because you have some belief that you don’t deserve better.
You deserve to be angry and to express yourself.
You deserve a higher level of respect.
You deserve to have a partner who will take responsibility for his/her role in your relationship.
You deserve to be happy and life doesn’t have to be a struggle.
You’ve got to re-write the way you think about yourself and your life.
Lastly, get support! We innately fall back into our own patterns unless we get support. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. It doesn’t mean you don’t have it handled. Getting support is vital to your happiness. It’s like taking a jet across country vs. riding your bicycle. You’ll get there either way, but one will take much longer and wear you out. So surround yourself with people who re-center you, whether that is friends, family, a coach, or a therapist.
We’re to support you beautiful! Would you love to join an online group of women that will support you in anything you need? Join our Facebook Group. If you’re local, this January we’ll be bringing together a special group of women to connect and enjoy a beautifully prepared meal and we would love for you to join us. Click here for the details and register for the event!
Have a friend who needs to see this? Please spread the love and pass it along!
Hannah & Marisa