We want to share this story with you because we know you might find yourself right here at some point and we want you to know that you have exactly what it takes to overcome it.
So there I am, totally disappointed. I’ve been dating this guy for a month. Things are amazing! We have so much fun, we have deep conversations, he is so open about wanting to see me. And then it happens. All of sudden things get “busy” and he won’t commit to our next date.
He keeps saying, “I’ll check my calendar”. Rejection is right in my face.
I wake up in the morning and my heart feels like it is in my throat. Ugh. My internal sassy bully kicks in.
“What is wrong with you? What did you do wrong? You can’t get a man to stay interested for more than a month? You won’t ever be able to keep anyone. You may as well stop dating now.”
Then my sassy bully takes on a new form…. She’s like “screw him! He doesn’t know what he’s missing. What a total jerk! You deserve better than that! Go show him what he’s missing! Kick ass woman, you can do better than him!”
So I get to work and I’m on fire! A new source of motivation right at my fingertips! Sending emails, calling people, it’s all moving.
Next thing you know I’m at a lunch meeting. We eat and the waitress comes around and asks us if we want dessert. Umm of course, I’m at this amazing vegan restaurant, how can I pass up dairy free dessert!?!? (I’m lactose intolerant).
“I’ll have the tiramisu, please!”
Without filling in the details, I eat the whole thing (it is about the size of a piece of lasagna.) Wow that is delicious!
I drive home totally content! I get home and head straight to the fridge!
What!?!? I’m not hungry. I’m feeling like something sweet. Again?!?! What is up?! (With curiosity, not upset)
Oh wait! I’m still totally anxious and disappointed with the rejection. . . I’m not confronting it. . . Well I better stop right now and deal with this before I have another round of dessert.
What am I really upset about?
I’m sad that he won’t commit to another date because it makes me feel like he’s over it.
I feel like he’s playing games and stringing me along.
I’m making myself feel bad, like there is something wrong with me or maybe I did something he didn’t like.
I just wanted him to be the one so I can stop dating already.
I feel like I can never get a guy to commit to me.
Am I ever going to get married?
Do you know for sure these things are true!?!??
No! These are all comments from my sassy bully! These are all negative ways of thinking! So it’s time to kick that sassy bully out!
What could really be happening?
Well he could actually be really busy.
Maybe he’s stressed out.
It definitely doesn’t mean that you’re going to be alone forever.
It also doesn’t mean you can’t get a guy to commit to you.
Once long ago I would have continued eating dessert, I would have continued to feed myself into a food coma, I would feel guilty about it or tell myself I would overdo it at the gym the next day to make up for it. I would have stayed in this disappointment for days, maybe even a week. Totally bummed, feeling hopeless about my dating situation and swearing off men! Using it all as an excuse to work harder at my job and take on more responsibilities so I didn’t have time to date.
However, now as an intuitive eater, I have the ability to shift my mindset, to quiet down the negative self-talk (aka my sassy bully), and to avoid eating to check out and feel pleasure. I know what tools to pull out to calm myself without using food.
While this story is about dating, this very thing can happen with any type of disappointment or stressful situation we experience!
We know many women can relate to that feeling of wanting to eat and eat and eat to deal with all the negative thoughts running through their heads.
We can’t promise that life will always be perfect, that we won’t experience disappointments, upsets, but we can work on our own negative self-talk, we can shift our mindset so disappointments don’t make us eating machines and we can learn the exact tools we need to keep ourselves feeling balanced.
When it comes to our eating habits it’s our very own negative self-talk that takes us down. So it’s time to turn off the sassy bully and take on a new voice. A voice that nurtures you, that lets you know it’s going to be okay and brings awareness to your eating habits rather than judgement.
This week observe your eating habits without judgement, confront your emotions, and take the time to shift your thoughts into positive ones.
Eat with love rather than fear. Eat because you’re hungry not because you’re upset, but be okay with your emotions. Be kind to yourself and show yourself some compassion.
One of the best ways to bring awareness to your eating habits is to use our Food Journal which you can download for free.
Or if you’re ready to take it to a whole new level, sing up for our Eat For Love online course.
Do you know someone in your life who would benefit from this article? Be a beautiful friend and pass it along so every woman can feel happy, beautiful and confident every day!