Have you ever noticed that there are things in your life that you have done over and over again? Like you end every relationship you’ve ever had in the same way. Or you’ve dated the same kind of guy. Or you always end up in an unhappy job situation with difficult people? It could even be as simple as getting into the same fight or conversation with your family members every time you talk. If it gives you any consolation. . . you’re not alone! If you haven’t noticed these patterns, start looking!
This week Hannah and I got clear that some of the events in our pasts have made a big impact on who we are today. When meaningful moments happen in our lives, for the good or the bad, they become etched into our memories. Then every time we experience a similar situation, we innately react the same way.
For me, one of those experiences happened when I was in high school. I had a boyfriend who told me he would break up with me if I was in the school musical because we wouldn’t be able to spend time together. And of course that was a big deal for me back then! So I didn’t do the musical, and I totally regretted it and then of course we broke up when I moved to college. So I decided I would never let a guy keep me from doing something I wanted to do. Every time I had a boyfriend who didn’t want me to do something I would just end the relationship instead of deal with the situation! Yikes!
For Hannah, she repeatedly chose to be with boyfriends who didn't challenge her. Over and over again, the lack of challenge turned into a lack of respect and eventually each relationship ended in the exact same way...with her hurting them and feeling horrible about herself. It wasn't until she woke up and realized the pattern that she was able to begin discovering what she truly needed from a partner.
So the real question is how do we break those old habits?? The key is to begin recognizing when you start to fall into the same repeated patterns. Look at the choices you’ve made in the past and observe what different choices you can make now. Take a step back and ask yourself how you want the situation to look, how you want it to be different, and how you can make sure your actions correlate with your desires.
If you want a loving relationship, be more loving (send love notes and be more affectionate)! If you want your job to be more fun, be more fun (invite your co-workers to lunch or to happy hour). If you want your relationship with your mom to be more connected (spend a weekend together doing something fun or ask her what’s important to her). You get the picture.
Okay, now declare what you want and go make it happen!
I want . . . .
You can make your dreams come true, you are that powerful!