Let’s be honest with ourselves. Often times we say we want to make changes in our lives, but don't actually make them happen. Like: "I really want to fix my finances" or "It's time to work off the extra few pounds I put on," or "I want to better my relationship with my mom."
Typically, once we make these declarations for change, our next step is to set more than unrealistic goals. Like, "I’m going to check my bank account everyday!" Or, "I’m going to go to the gym 5 days this week," or "I’m going to call my mom everyday on my way home from work."
And then the desire to get more organized sets in. You begin by putting together a list of the things that you’re going to do to make it happen. Like, "I will tell someone I’m going to do it so they hold me accountable" or "I’m going to read that book on “X” topic," or "I’m going to put it into my calendar."
Usually the rush lasts about a week, maybe a couple of days, or maybe it never even happens at all. Somehow there is always an excuse that gets in the way. Maybe there isn’t enough time or money, or you just don’t have enough energy and lose motivation.
Next up, that overwhelming feeling of guilt sets in and you can’t figure out why you can’t pull it together. Sure enough the disempowering conversations begin and the procrastination sets in. "I’ll do it later, I’ll do it tomorrow, I’ll do it next week". . . And then comes the stress, the lack of productivity, and well you never fix your finances, you never lose that weight, and you and your mom continue to have arguments.
Often times, the reason we can't find the proper motivation to make these changes is because we are doing them for the wrong reasons! We may not actually want to do them. Instead we feel the pressures from family, friends, and even society to do certain things, be a certain way and to look like something we're not. Eventually, we develop these pressures into ideals or things we MUST do.
It’s time to be honest with ourselves! The things we actually want to do, we make time for and we find the money for. Let’s look at an example: Your week is totally packed, you’ve got deadlines to make and you don’t see a spare moment. Then that cute boy you’ve been flirting with via text message wants to hang out. . . and suddenly 3 days in your week become available. Here is one more example: You are totally on a budget, you don’t have any money to go out to eat with your friends, to pay your bills, to pay your friend back. . . . And then voila from out of nowhere $200 shows up for those cute pair of fall boots, or that music festival ticket!
Look, we all have our excuses and our reasons to not do what we think we SHOULD do. And it’s time to stop lying to ourselves about it. Why, you might ask? Because it’s like an underlying stressor! By resisting the actions, you waste all of your energy so you end up feeling zapped before you accomplish anything (fun or not). Ready to break this habit?
Try this little exercise:
Write down everything you’ve been saying you’re going to do and haven’t actually done. Then say what you’re really committed to that keeps you from accomplishing your goals.
Here are a few examples:
I say I really want to fix my finances, but I REALLY just want to buy what I want so I can look cute, or go to the hip new place in town.
I say I want to lose weight, but what I REALLY want is to not feel controlled by having to watch what I eat and eat whatever I want when I feel like it.
I say I want to have a better relationship with my mom, but what I REALLY want is to just not fight with her, which might mean me not calling her often.
Okay, so now you get to give up lying to yourself because it stresses you out! Thank you for being so bold and admitting it!
Now you can start this week fresh, you don’t HAVE to do anything. Now you can do all the things you’ve been doing because you ACTUALLY want to. You can finally start doing all the things you say you want to but never do, because YOU want to and not because you HAVE to or not because someone says you SHOULD. You have the freedom to live your life and have everything you want in it!
Go get it girl! Make your dreams come true! xo